Arizona Archive

Not A New Years Resolution

– January 5, 2012Posted in: Arizona, Brain, Cognitive Disorder, Featured Content, Health, News Items, Prescott
Not A New Years Resolution

I’ve decided I want to blog more regularly. Only one month out of each year doesn’t cut it. At least I’m getting an earlier start this year…… The thing is, I’ve wanted to do this for some time but I wanted to keep it about my photography business. The problem is I had to stop taking new clients because I wasn’t able to follow through on getting images to people. I had held out hope that I would get better soon…. and then soon became eventually, and now I just don’t know. I still hope to get better and work toward that end, but my doctors have convinced me that I need to modify both my expectations and my efforts. Not to give up hope, but to redirect my energies in ways that don’t make the situation worse.

To that end, I’ve decided to blog about what’s going on with me, maybe some scenic photos or snapshots of grandkids too, but mostly what I’m doing on an ongoing basis to keep my wits about me and how this cognitive disorder has effected my day-to-day life. Maybe I’ll review some of my favorite places in and around Prescott and other parts of the state too. That could be fun! But don’t hold me to it….. No. Better yet, call me on it. Nothing high pressure, that totally puts me into a state of panic these days, maybe just a gentle reminder. I’ll let you know if I can’t handle it.

I’ll talk about photography too. That’s still a big part of who I am. I’ve lost part of who I am now (my tech brain), and I’ll fight tooth and nail not to lose any more. For better or worse, my personality seems to be intact, I’ll let you be the judge on the plusses and minuses of that.

This isn’t my New Years resolution or anything. It’s just one of several things I need to do.

Until next time, then……..

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The Lowdown On My High Blood Sugars

– May 26, 2011Posted in: Arizona, Blood Sugar, Brain, Cognitive Disorder, Health, Prescott
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This past weekend I was laid low by high blood sugars. It was extremely difficult for me to wake up on Sunday (this coming from someone who has a hard time waking up any day) and once I was up I was beyond lethargic. That prompted my son to ask if I’d taken my blood sugars that morning. Nope. Holy Cow! The meter said my sugars were at 236!!! I had flirted with 200 on occasion, but 236 was new territory.

I know from past experience that exercise can drop blood sugars pretty quickly. I usually opt for a bike ride, but I was visiting in Queen Creek so my son and I walked around the block. I figured something as easy going as a mosey around the block would result in a modest drop in blood sugars – nothing like my heart pounding up-hill pedaling does. I felt better but was out of test strips so I had no way of knowing how well it worked. I should point out that none of this occurred to me at the time and my son had to insist on a walk or I wouldn’t have done a thing.

That evening, after driving back home and then eating dinner I tested again and was dismayed to see that my blood sugars were still high, at 195. So we went for a walk….. My second “Holy Cow!” moment of the day came after the walk when I tested again. Sugars had dropped to 119!!! Like I said, I really hadn’t expected a walk to drop my blood sugars significantly, maybe 20 points. Granted, we walked about a mile and some of it was up-hill, but nearly 80 points? I was shocked.

Tuesday I read (or rather had the computer read to me) an article on creating rituals. It’s easier to do certain things if you don’t have to think about them. The prefrontal cortex of the brain is what we use to determine if something is important or not. The trick is, after you’ve decided it’s important, is to make it a habit – a ritual. That way the brain doesn’t have to think about it and you just do it because it’s something you do.

Research has shown that we have natural resistance to things and that it takes a certain amount of willpower to do something different – to overcome inertia. We have also discovered that each individual has a finite amount of cognitive reserves and taxing the willpower or reserves makes it more and more difficult to do new things. Only by automating various important things can we bypass the willpower/cognitive reserve tanks and save its contents for really important decision making during a given day. Because of these two things, the author of the blogpost has created certain rituals complete with their own timeframes for completion. For instance, he has established a specific bedtime and has determined to work out when he first wakes up. I have an alarm that “suggests” that it’s 10:00 PM and I “might” want to “consider” going to bed….. I always ‘considered’ it, but most often opted to stay up ’til midnight…. 1AM…. 2AM…. 4AM….. That didn’t work so well for me.

So, I’m going to make a concerted effort to have a pre-determined bedtime, predetermined exercise time, etc. Hopefully this will help me with my cognitive problems by not drawing down my brain account. It should also help me to keep my blood sugars in check by exercising consistently instead of randomly. By planning ahead to do certain things on specific days at pre-determined times I won’t have to think about them but will just do them by default, saving my very limited brain power for more important tasks. I’ll keep you all posted as to how I’m doing.

Thinking Ahead – Previsualization of a Photograph

– May 24, 2011Posted in: Arizona, Community, Engagement Sessions, Featured Content, Granite Dells, Landscape, News Items, Portraits, Prescott, Watson Lake
Photo of Watson Lake in Prescott, Arizona with storm clouds to the east and a rainbow.

A little over a year ago I was on my way to an appointment and passed Willow Lake in Prescott. I didn’t have time to stop, but the Eastern sky was dark and ominous and the sun was low above the horizon to the West. The granite formations, trees and hills surrounding the lake were lit brightly against that richly dark backdrop and I knew immediately what I wanted to do and it had nothing to do with Willow Lake.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Willow Lake and have a lot of photographs to show that I’ve spent some quality time there, but my heart belongs to another. Just east of Willow Lake is another small body of water nestled between the jutting boulders of the Granite Dells – Watson Lake. I’ve not only got plenty of photos to show my love for Watson Lake, but I find myself taking visitors there, telling tourists on the Square about it and even using it as a backdrop for portraits and engagement sessions. It’s just a beautiful treasure and with sincere apologies to Willow Lake, I love it (Now Lynx, Goldwater and Granite Lakes are all going to be jealous).

As I drove by Willow Lake that day and saw the light and the sky and the water….. my mind immediately visualized Watson Lake under the same conditions and knew I didn’t even have time to take a quick detour to see it. I had someplace to be. But, I vowed to wait for the conditions to be right and I would be prepared to create a panorama of the vision I now had locked in my head.

Last week it happened. We were in the middle of monsoon and thunderstorms rolled in and out every day. Some in the mornings, but most in the afternoon. We’d get a little rain now and then, but in the distance you could hear the low grumbling of thunder beyond the hills. Sometimes you could see the storm to the West of Thumb Butte, or South, up in the pines, but that Monday evening, as I got ready to grill some chicken breasts, it was due East…… and the sun was starting to get lower in the Western sky.

Turning the grill off, I tossed my camera bag and tripod into the car as quickly as I could and headed out. I turned at the Square on Gurley Street toward the junction where 69 and 89 split and I headed up 89, passing the Veteran’s Hospital at old Fort Whipple. As I pulled into the park and reached into my pocket to pay the attendant I groaned. “Oh great…..” the attendant overheard me say to myself, “I ran off so fast I forgot to bring any cash.” I was dejected. You never know how long a particular set of weather and lighting conditions will last. “Why not just drive on up as my guest today?” it was more of a statement than a question. I’m sure my face brightened up as quickly as lightning traverses the clouds. “Thank you! I really appreciate it!” You gotta love this town.

Parking at the top of the hill overlooking the lake, I quickly unloaded, walked the short distance to the overlook I wanted and set up. The first set of shots I took were just to make sure I got something in the camera that had some of the elements in my head – mainly the dark Eastern sky. The sun, just over my shoulder, was hidden behind a cloud. After getting the first shots in the can, I waited……

I could hear geese honking occasionally from the boulder they were sitting on in the midst of the water. Cloud to ground lightning flashed to the Southeast. It seemed like minutes passed before the low rumble of thunder followed. Using my other camera I tried to capture a bird of prey as it wheeled silently over the dells and the water. The wind tugged at my hair and water lapped against the rocks below. I closed my eyes and pulled in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. As I opened my eyes sunlight began to creep across the hills to the East. Another round of photos covering the North end of the lake to the south. I gazed at the San Francisco Peaks just outside Flagstaff to the Northeast. More sunlight on the hills as the Dells on the far side of the lake began to light up. Another round of photos. If only the near side Dells, where I stood, would come out of shadow, then my near foreground and the hills across the lake would all stand out bright against the dark backdrop of the storm. After waiting a bit longer the foreground boulders also lit up and I began taking several shots spanning the lake from North to South to be stitched together into one impressive panorama later. As an added bonus, a rainbow decided to drop in behind the hills across the lake. Welcome, friend….

So, how closely do they match – the panoramas I created and the vision in my head? Meh, not bad. All of the elements were there, but not quite in the right configuration. In my head the lake is full and the storm spans the entire Eastern sky. On that day the lake was down quite a bit and the sky to the Northeast was fairly clear as the storm kept moving away to the Southeast and it wasn’t quite as dark as when I first saw it. Am I disappointed that I didn’t get the shot I want? Nope. I enjoyed every minute of the hour or more that I was out there and I got closer than I would have if I’d stayed home and barbeque’d some chicken. And the vision is still there. It’ll happen, but the vision is a bit revised now. There are a couple of new elements.

One day, on some afternoon or evening in the future, I’ll hear thunder in the distance. I’ll run outside and look up to see a massive storm front to the East. When I arrive at the lake I’ll have a pass that allows me to drive in without having to pay. As I set up, I’ll look out to see the lake as full as I’ve ever seen it. Sunlight will flood the distant hills and you’ll be able to see the rain falling in the distance beyond the first new element – the finished shot needs a rainbow. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that before. As I click through the shots, panning from North to South the other new element will come into play. Lightning! I can’t wait…….

Don’t Hire Me

– May 18, 2011Posted in: Arizona, Featured Content, News Items, Portraits, Prescott, Weddings
Fuzzy image of clock to illustrate concept of time - By Arizona Photographer, Carlos Benjamin

What??? Yep. You read the title correctly. I’m asking people not to hire me.

A little over three years ago I started experiencing a cognitive disconnect. I wasn’t able to think through problems like I had been. My thoughts were becoming fuzzier all the time and I was finding it more and more difficult to read. When I would attend a technical class it was as if my brain would fill up and the instructor would spout nonsense. I told someone on the phone today that it was like they were speaking another language, and sometimes it was like that, but more often than not it was just a jumble of English words that made no sense to me.

Eventually it got to the point that I was let go from my day job because I was just sitting in front of my computer and unable to think about how I should go about the tasks I’d been assigned. On the last project I completed there I had accused one of the other employees of not giving me the information I needed to complete the task. Thinking back on it I’m guessing I wasn’t really communicating what it was I needed.

About the same time there was a miscommunication regarding some of my package prices for weddings and what they included. I was also finding it more and more difficult to do post-processing on images. On rare occasions my cameras seemed foreign to me as I tried to figure out what settings to use for a given situation. I thought I was losing my mind.

Cut to today. I’ve seen neurologists, psychiatrists and a neuropsychologist as well as a host of other doctors. We haven’t been able to pin this thing down. After a series of tests, the neuropsychologist concluded that I was brilliant but that I just couldn’t process data. I had always wanted to be brilliant. Too bad I didn’t get an official assessment of my brilliance until my brain broke down. Both the psychiatrist and the neuropsychologist agree that this most likely has a physiological cause, but that’s as far as we’ve gotten to date.

So, why am I putting this out here for the world to see? A couple of reasons. I get asked all the time, “How’s the photography business going?” by people who know I’m not otherwise working. I think I’ll have some cards printed up with a copy of the URL for this post and just hand them out when asked.

More pertinent though is the fact that I stopped blogging because I wasn’t actively photographing clients. The purpose of the blog, in my mind, was to show my work and talk about working with my clients. When I stopped pursuing jobs, I stopped writing about it.

Recently though, a fellow photographer was involved in an accident that left him bed-fast for the next few months (at least). David DuChemin is a well-known photographer whose work I admire and whose career I’d been keeping tabs on, albeit loosely – primarily because it’s difficult for me to read much beyond a paragraph or maybe two if they’re short.

Anyway, David’s blog was kind of silent for a bit after the accident, but not for long. Still laid up in the hospital and on some pretty serious pain meds, David began to reach out to his friends and admirers through twitter and his blog. An entry about a week ago just really resonated with me. David basically talked about the downside of his injury and hospital stay. The downside? Yeah. David is usually a pretty upbeat kind of guy and had been telling friends on the phone and via twitter that he was, “Living the dream”. I mean, we all knew he was in a great deal of pain, but this time he just talked about it awhile. He was keeping it real.

After reading the post I thought to myself, “David’s not out there making photographs right now and he still blogs.”

Then I remembered that one of my goals when starting this blog was to be open and transparent, so people could feel like they knew me without ever having met me. So that clients would have a comfort level with me before hiring me. What was I doing just letting the blog gather dust then? I’m still me. And I hope one day to have this problem resolved and go back to having clients and building a business around the art of photography. Until then, I can still write about where I am and what progress I’m making.

So, here I am. I’m back. If anyone besides spammers were aware of the blog before it’s a mystery to me. In dusting this thing off I had to clean house a little. Over 2,500 comments were awaiting moderation. After a hundred or so grammatically terrible pats on the back for my wonderful insights, “…and won’t you please post my spam link in your comments…” I just started deleting them wholesale (well, 20 at a time). Some I marked as spam, but since I couldn’t read them all I thought that might be bad if there was a real commenter who was marked as a spammer. If I did that to any real people, I apologize.

I will second shoot for other wedding photographers for now, because I don’t have to do anything but show up, photograph the day and then send the images to the primary photographer. Other than that…. product photography where I can have the product for a few days and set up lights and reflectors and gobos to create a nice tableau. That’s it. I’m always open to do some fun-tography as my buddy Dan Coogan likes to call it.

At any rate, I plan to post progress reports and my thoughts in general as well as non-client images from time to time. So, stay tuned.

Prescott, Arizona Bands – Last Gig Before College

– July 28, 2010Posted in: Band, Community, Featured Content, News Items, Prescott, Prescott High School, Uncategorized
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I was asked to photograph a couple of bands last weekend. These were not bands that travel a circuit or house bands, but a couple of bands made up of students graduating from Prescott High School and moving on to different colleges. This was to be their last gig before setting off to school in a few weeks and Ryan, who had asked me to photograph the bands, wanted some shots of the groups.

Photo of Prescott, AZ band by Arizona based photographer, Carlos Benjamin of BenjPhotoAs the concert started (they were pretty good, by the way) my primary flash started acting up. Normally I’d tell the on-camera flash that I want it to expose at a certain level and let the electronic brains do the adjustments as the light in the venue changes or I move to a location where the light is a bit different. That night my flash decided it didn’t know what to do, so all the images were dark. That might have thrown some photographers a curve they couldn’t hit. Some might have simply thrown up their hands and quit because they could no longer create images.


Guitar Player - intentionally dark. Photo created by Arizona based photographer, Carlos Benjamin - BenjPhoto for Prescott, AZ bandsThere are a number of things that should separate a professional photographer from an amateur. One of those, as a good friend of mine likes to say, is the ability to get the shot. Every time. No matter what the job may throw at you. But the only “automatic” flash I had was not working. What should I do? How do I get the shot if my equipment has failed?

Even though I had packed light (just one bag) I had at least two immediate options:

  1. Because I know my equipment I could try the faulty flash on manual and see if it worked
  2. Because I carry backup gear (even when packing light) I could switch to one of the two manual flashes I had set up for rim/back lighting

Both of these options required that I know how to operate both the camera and flash in full manual mode. Many people will look at what someone “has” and determine that they must be a pro. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that I’m taking fantastic photos by people who haven’t even seen the  images. They say that because I have professional grade cameras and lenses. What you have in your camera bag is important but what you have in your head is far more important.

Photo of Prescott, AZ band by Arizona based photographer, Carlos Benjamin - BenjPhotoThe first thing I did was to put the on-camera flash on manual and make sure the two manual flashes had not been turned on yet – in case I needed to make one of them my main flash. The auto flash worked just fine in manual mode on-camera, but that would mean I had to make constant adjustments as I moved around, getting closer and then farther away from the performers (have I mentioned that they were good?). I was able to assess the problem, adjust my setup and resume shooting before the first song was even half way over.

Camera Aware - Photograph of Prescott, AZ band created by Arizona based photographer, Carlos Benjamin - BenjPhotoWhen Ryan’s band got ready to start their set the flash stopped working again. Low battery. The short time the flash was in the now defective auto mode it had really drained the charge. Normally I could have gone most of the evening without needing new batteries. Even though I can usually depend on the flash batteries to last longer, I carry several fully charged sets – just in case (I’m actually recharging several sets as I type this). I grabbed one of the spare seets and was quickly back in business again and didn’t need to change batteries for the rest of the evening.

Interestingly enough, shortly into their set, Ryan broke a string on his guitar. No problem. He just grabbed another one, retuned a bit and off they went. I liked that.